Nota Spontan

tengah cari gambar kelmarin dalam facebook page tapi admin belum upload. so i click the recent post to see my mother emceeing picture, but then i saw her.. how time flies so fast 

"Gorgeous", wrap me up in all your- I want you in my arms Oh, let me hold you I'll never let you go again like I did Oh, I used to say "I would never fall in love again until I found her" I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you "Gorgeous", pulled me in I asked to love her  Once again y ou fell, I caught you I'll never let you go again like I did Oh, I used to say "I would never fall in love again until I found her" I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you I would never fall in love again until I found her I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you

like the bull chasing, aiming for the target they love but if the target keep running away from the bull, they will stop and never chase it again. i used to love, i never stop to love but if you keep on running then i will stop chasing over you.  take care.

Old friend taught me, meet new friends & forget old friends. Well i didn't mean to be mean pare. You're my old friend, my pal, my buddy, my family.  We like goku and vegeta right? That's how we build friendship name The Pare. Last year i told you after several month of silent from you. "I always here if you need me buddy, don't mind to contact me if you need anything". I know it's hard and hurt to be in your shoes. We have same stories about forever crush just different situation. Be tough pare.  But after that last week, i think this is enough. You taught me this my friend. Even though old friendship is good than the new ones. Bullshit.  Don't mind to sent gift for this month pare if you think it will calm the bull in me. Just show your ass here and talk what's fucking wrong with you. Beluran to sandakan is not far dude. Now i have new friend from Beluran. Maybe she is reborn to replace you but this one got more hot ass crush than ...

Semalam membawa ingatan kepada malam² yang sebelumnya dan malam² yang berikutnya.  Bermula dengan camping, kemudian aktiviti tambahan night walk seterusnya stargazing. Salah satu ahli night walk membuka aplikasi "jejak bintang".  Tarikh 26 Mac 2022, dalam banyaknya bintang di langit malam itu terpampanglah satu bintang yang tidak asing bagi aku.  Biarpun mata hampir layu pada jam 1.55 pagi menemani rakan baru yang berkongsi cerita mengenai pengalaman hidup. Namun ceritanya mengenai kenalan barunya yang hampir setahun iaitu seorang nurse di luar daerah mengingatkan aku kepada bintang tersebut dan perbualan antara kami berlanjutan hingga ke jam 3.04 pagi. Dan masa itu juga aku menjadi segar bugar setelah melihat gambar yang ditunjukkan. "Bertuahnya". Pagi itu aku berulang-ulang mengucapkan kalimat yang sama.  Dari pada cerita rakan tersebut aku cuba mencari perbezaan yang membuatkan situasi aku dan si bintang yang makin jauh berbanding dia yang...

Every happiness comes a sacrifice. I agree everything in this world and what we have now is not permanently.  Teringat kisah seorang pesara yang banyak pengajarannya. Uncle A bukan nama sebenar salah satu bakal pesara yang berurusan dengan aku pada hari tersebut.  Aku berikan sedikit panduan secara lisan sebelum beliau memberi gambar saiz passport dan menandatangani di ruangan borang-borang persaraan. Selesai beliau tandatangan borang-borang tersebut, aku menyusun tertib berpandukan senarai semak dan ketika itulah beliau membuka cerita.  Uncle tersebut merenung wajahku, aku mengenali anak beliau, seorang yang ayu, lembut, berpendidikan dan berkerja kuat. Beliau bercerita dia bangga dengan semua anaknya. Tetapi yang paling dia banggakan ialah anak perempuannya yang sulung. Anaknya itu adalah anak contoh kepada adik-adiknya. Anak tersebut sewaktu kecil rapat dengannya, kemana saja dia mengikutinya. Anak tersebut membesar dan menyambung pelajaran di menara gading...

someone say theres three element of life (earth, water and fire) between all of those i am earth. i love warm it is comforting. even in sunny day i can snuggle with my comforter all time. but somehow too warm become hot after time pass by. so i turned on ac to return back my room temperature. thats how my life is.

Aku takkan lelah menunggu Hingga waktu ajal menjemputku Takkan pernah ada sesalku untuk menunggumu Aku harus tetap menunggu Hingga nanti aku berbaring Sampai mati aku akan tetap menunggumu Inginku gapai bulan dan ku petik bintang Inginku berikan semua hanya untukmu Agar kau tahu besarnya cintaku kepada dirimu Ku ingin kau tahu tentang perasaanku Ku ingin kau tahu besar cinta padamu Inginku berikan sisa waktuku dan sisa umurku Sampai mati

Padamu pemilik hati yang tak pernah ku miliki Yang hadir sebagai bagian dari kisah hidupku Engkau aku cinta dengan segenap rasa di hati Selalu ku mencuba menjadi seperti yang engkau minta Aku tahu engkau sebenarnya tahu Tapi kau memilih seolah engkau tak tahu Kau sembunyikan rasa cintaku Di balik topeng persahabatanmu yang palsu Kau jadikan aku kekasih bayangan Untuk menemani saat kau merasa sepi Bertahun lamanya ku jalani kisah cinta sendiri Mungkin memang benar Cinta itu tak lagi berharga Semua percuma bila engkau tak punya ikatan Aku tahu engkau sebenarnya tahu Tapi kau memilih seolah engkau tak tahu Kau sembunyikan rasa cintaku Di balik topeng persahabatanmu yang palsu Kau jadikan aku kekasih bayangan Untuk menemani saat kau merasa sepi Bertahun lamanya ku jalani kisah cinta sendiri Cinta sendiri Oh aku tahu engkau sebenarnya tahu Tapi kau memilih seolah engkau tak tahu Kau sembunyikan rasa cintaku Di balik topeng persahabatanmu yang palsu Kau jadikan aku kekasih bayang...

When you say You love the way I make you feel Everything becomes so real Don't be scared, no, don't be scared 'Cause you're all I need And you still look perfect as days go by Even the worst ones, you make me smile I'd stop the world if it gave us time 'Cause when you love someone You open up your heart When you love someone You make room If you love someone And you're not afraid to lose 'em You probably never loved someone like I do You probably never loved someone like I do All my life I thought it'd be hard to find The one 'til I found you And I find it bittersweet 'Cause you gave me something to lose But when you love someone You open up your heart When you love someone You make room If you love someone And you're not afraid to lose 'em You probably never loved someone like I do You probably never loved someone like I do You probably never loved someone like I do

1. Hey, how are you? 2. Long time no see 3. Have you eat? or What you eat? 4. Bon appetite 5. Are you okay? 6. (Ramble) I miss you 7. I'm here 8. I agree with you 9. You can do it 10. Believe in yourself 11. Trust your self 12. I'm chatting with you right now 13. You are Beautiful 14. You are Cute 15. You make me smile 16. I feel butterfly in my stomach 17. I can't stop thinking about you 18. You are unique in your own way 19. I never found someone like you 20. I like you

Bismillah Antara buah Epal dengan buah Oren, aku suka buah Oren tapi bukan ini yang aku mau cerita. jus epal dalam kotak ni masih berisi, aku minum separuh sebelum tidur menyapa, malam sebelum aku bertolak ke Kota Kinabalu. biarpun penat dari jalan darat ahad lepas belum lagi hilang aku kumpul juga tenaga untuk menghormati majlis keluarga pada hari semalam. petang hari ini selepas membersihkan diri dan menunaikan yang wajib aku baring menghadap jus epal yang masih setia di atas bantal. apa selama 1 hari lebih aku tinggalkan adakah ianya masih edible untuk aku minum? bimbang kalau ada binatang kecil yang masuk, bimbang rasa sudah berubah kerana faktor udara yang boleh mencemarkan lagi kandungan air tersebut, dan lain-lain. kalau ikutkan logik fikiran minuman yang sudah terdedah dan dibiarkan semalaman patut kita buang dan tidak diminum lagi. aku tukarkan metafora air kotak yang terdedah ini dengan perasaan. perasaan yang telah ditebuk, perasaan yang telah dirasa masam dan ma...

Flashback (In the car waiting other gfriend to join watching late night movie)  P : I'm worry Me : Why? P : You know the guy i tell you before, what if he come meet my family and propose me? Me : Why should you worry, is he a bad guy? P : No. He good to me and my family. Me : Your family know him? P : Yes, they have met before. My mother like him. Me : Then why you worry? If he is good to you and your family can accept him, then you can accept him too. P : Thanks (she say while her hands on my hands before she take away because her friends get in the car) As i typing this story again i recollect my feeling at that time. still same. i can't utter it. If my steering wheels can say something for me at that time because i grab it too hard with my both hands. After watching the movie while sending her friends home, Mungkin Nanti song by Peterpan playing on the radio. Me and her friends humming thru all the nights. Its one of the memory. My memory.

sandakan mandi 2 hari ni. hujan turun dengan lebat, kadang limpas, kadang renyai dan panas seketika. semenjak adanya bluetooth player aku guna sehabis baik. playlist diputar. lagu pura-pura lupa berkumandang. sesampai di rumah aku berbaring dan mendengarnya sekali lagi sebelum rasa mengantuk dibawa pergi oleh lena.  ada satu perasaan gementar seketika membuat perutku rasa cramp. aku berfikir kalau ada minuman yang aku ambil tadi pagi yang membuat anxiety aku datang lagi. tapi tiada. gagahkan diri juga melangkah ke tempat kerja. melakukan tugas seperti biasa, dan pada petang itu bertemu dengan dia, kertas yang dipegang bergegar pula sampai jatuh sekeping di lantai. "hai lama tak jumpa" sapaku sebenarnya rasa sudah pudar oleh masa dan aku rasa sekadar kebetulan.  aku kembali di tempat duduk, ketika melihat notifikasi mesej baru tanganku terscroll senarai kenalan, yang baru aku tambah di telefon bimbit. aku tidak tahu mengapa aku masih menyimpan nombornya mungkin ker...

  Staring at the bottom of your glass Hoping one day you'll make a dream last But dreams come slow, and they go so fast You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day, you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies But you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missing home Only know you love her when you let her go Staring at the ceiling in the dark Same old empty feeling in your heart 'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast Well, you see her when you fall asleep But never to touch and never to keep 'Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep Well, you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when ...

Dear Blog, 7 years passing so fast. Reminding me what i said to her "We've met after 7 years. and if we continue fight today. It will be 7 years again to meet you". Malam ni aku beli bluetooth player from Evelyn, she said i can meet her at the cafe from noon to night somewhere at IJM. Sebelum arrive there, i grab myphone and scroll for the good beverage. I click Honey Lemon Ice and confirm pick up time. Setibanya di kafe aku pun pick up la minuman. Cute la plastic bottle dia resemble like this chinese girl who sat up behind the counter. She give me the drinks, and I said is you Evelyn? and she say yes. Aku pun introduce diri aku Zan dan buat sikit body language then she anguk2 and give me a cute bunny plastic bag. "Saya try dulu di kereta ya" aku bilang and then she say okay. After setup that player and berjaya test handsfree call baru aku whatsapp Eve. Say cool and thanks. Aku pun drive la balik. Tapi dalam masa yang sama aku tergerak pula mau cuba pasang Youtu...